Survival... and more tasks....

I declare today as the roughest parenting day of my life at least till now. Ever since a few months back, Keira have been a very clingy and whiny kid. People may thought that I (we) have spoil her. But what do they know? A lot of old folks claimed that it's because I'm carrying a second one and thus resulting her behaving this way. How true is that? She's been rather an easy baby until she hit the 5th month. But the worse comes when she turns probably 9 month old. When she no longer wants her crib and wants to co-sleep with us.

While putting her to sleep just now, I was thinking how can such a baby with this angelic face become such a 'devil' in the day. She will whine at the littlest thing and become so 'drama' as quoted by my lil bro's girlfriend. And it's so so true.

Today brought her for swimming and had the float attached to her as usual. But to my surprise, she suddenly looked scared and want that to be taken away immediately and was clingy onto me so tight for like 15 minutes before she finally warm up a bit and walk in the water.... Where's that adventurous baby of mine gone to? I couldn't help weeping just now while lying beside her. Weeping not because what did I get to deserve a kid like her but because I think I fail as a mother. My love for this child is simply incomparable to any other thing. I want the best for her. But sometimes I will think to myself. How?

 It's not easy but I have to hang on nevertheless. If I don't, who will. I seriously hope she will become sensible when Kerri comes out. God, please grant me the strength. Being a stay home mum is really not an easy task. Sometimes, I will secretly wish that I can return back to workforce and just leave Keira with my mum. And after thinking of that, I become so guilty and feeling sinful. This is the child I want. How can I just throw her to others to take care? It should be my responsibility.

Hubby is not having any easier time either with all the assignments, tests and work stress. I can understand that. Like I said before, we will pull through and we definitely can do so. I'm in my 35th week now. And it seems like I'm still not totally ready for Kerri to pop out. I still have several tasks to complete before I can feel settled down to welcome her.

1. Sorting out her hand me down clothing from Keira and have them wash. Yes it's still lying in the room but this time I have moved them to the crib. These are only part of the wardrobe. From newborn to 6 months only.

2. Getting a new crib mattress and adjusting the height of the crib.

3. Clear up the messy stuff on the cabinet.

4. Get a new shelf for the corner of their room.

5. Getting new nipples for the bottles for Kerri.

6. Stocking up herbal tonics for confinement.

7. Packing my hospital bag.

Yes I can actually make use of this blogging time to sort out the clothing. But I can never get my ass down to work. And I have been feeling so sleepy and tired lately that I want to do nothing but sleep with Keira when she's in her dreamland... How bad is that? I must have exhaust myself unknowingly from the Taipei trip.

I am really contemplating to hire a part-time helper to help with the housework or a maid. But of course, the maid will most likely come after I found a job and when our financial allows. I feel the strain now when I do even the simplest task - vacuuming. And not to mention, carrying this 10kg toddler around. I can no longer get out of the house freely like before as and when I like. More like condemn to stay home more often now. I don't feel active anymore. Oh shucks... I am behaving like old lady now myself.